Wasted
by sammygirl
Summary: I don't want to spend my life jaded, waiting, to wake up one day and find, that I let all these years go by wasted." EO Songfic, oneshot.


**A/N: Hey! I know, it's been forever. Waking Up will be updated soon as well, scouts honor. The song is _in italics_ and belongs to Carrie Underwood, and the characters belong to Dick Wolf. Sadly. Review! xox- sammygirl**

* * *

Olivia Benson heard the front door of her house slam just as she had for months. She kissed her eleven-month-old daughters cheek and put her in the crib. Olivia and Elliot had been married for three years, and the first two were picturesque. They were totally in love and everyone knew; they had (great) sex all the time, and they talked about everything. When Olivia found out she was pregnant, Elliot got promoted. She saw this as a great thing, as did Elliot at the time. When Caitlyn was born, both parents were elated. Olivia was a natural mother and Elliot was a model father. After his paternity leave was up, Elliot went back to work; which caused him to talk to Olivia less and less. That was when the drinking started. Since then, Elliot had been coming home at any hour visibly drunk and angry. Tonight that was going to change. Olivia was leaving. She would not put another child through what she went through. Having one parent that loved her and kept her safe would have to do.

"Elliot." Olivia greeted him as he came upstairs. "I…. I'm leaving." She stuttered over her words not knowing how to say them. With that, she walked downstairs with Caitlyn and the bags she had previously packed in hand.

_Standing at the back door_

_She tried to make it fast_

_One tear hit the hard wood_

_It fell like broken glass_

_She said sometimes love slips away_

_And you just can't get it back_

_Let's face it_

"I can't do it anymore, El. You coming home at God knows when after drinking in some dingy bar for hours is not how I want you to raise Caitlyn. This has to end. It seems like the only way that can happen is if I leave now." Olivia was speaking quickly to try and hide the tears. She turned around and tried not to look at him, knowing full well that if she saw his broken face she would have to crawl back into his arms.

_For one split second_

_She almost turned around_

_But that would be like pouring raindrops_

_Back into a cloud_

_So she took another step and said_

_I see the way out and I'm gonna take it_

"I love you more than life itself, El. But I—" she broke off with a sob, "I can't live like this. Not knowing if you're out with someone else, or if you're dead on the street. I love you, El. Clean up." And with that, she was gone.

Elliot sat alone in the kitchen, staring at the door that Olivia had just gone through. The best thing that had ever happened to him just walked out the door. Literally. What the fuck was he doing? He remembered, pouring another drink.

_I don't wanna spend my life jaded_

_Waiting to wake up one day and find_

_That I've let all these years go by_

_Wasted_

Olivia drove aimlessly for what seemed like forever. Caitlyn was asleep in the backseat, oblivious to the inner turmoil that was eating at her mother. How had it come to this?

"Baby girl," Olivia said to her daughters sleeping form, "everything's going to be okay. Daddy is going to return to his full glory one day and all of this will be forgotten. Please don't hate me for this, baby. I did this for you. Believe me, you don't want to be around that for the rest of your life. I love you, angel."

_Another glass of whisky but it still don't kill the pain_

_So he stumbles to the sink and pours it down the drain_

_He says it's time to be a man and stop living for yesterday_

_Got to face it._

Elliot was still sitting in his kitchen 4 hours later. One bottle of vodka down, and he was working on a bottle of whiskey when a picture on the fridge caught his eye. It was one that Don had taken on Caitlyn's first Christmas. Olivia had Caitlyn in her arms while Elliot had his arms around Liv's waist. They were all smiling brightly at the camera.

"That is how my life is supposed to be." Elliot said to no one as he stumbled over to the sink and poured all of the alcohol in the house down the drain. He looked at his ragged appearance in the window above the sink. He hadn't shaved in two days, _or maybe it was three?_ His eyes were sunken in from lack of sleep and he looked like he hadn't showered in days. _Which is true._

"No wonder Livia wanted nothing to do with me anymore." Elliot sighed as he made his way slowly up the stairs to the bed that he had not shared with his wife nearly enough lately. After showering, he lay above the covers spinning the platinum band around his left ring finger. Taking it off, he read the inscription that was put there by the love of his life: "My rock, my angel, my everything. Forever." He fell asleep with those words burned into his minds eye.

_Cause' I don't wanna spend my life jaded_

_Waiting to wake up one day and find_

_That I've let all these years go by_

_Wasted_

Three hours later, Elliot awoke with the headache that ad become part of his daily life. He turned; hoping to see that all of this was just a bad dream, but was brought back to reality when his wife's sleeping body was not next to him. Elliot stood up, and decided to change that day. He shaved, brushed his teeth, and set off to find Olivia.

_Oh I don't wanna keep on wishing, missing_

_The still of the morning, the color of the night_

_I ain't spending no more time_

_Wasted_

Olivia was jolted from sleep by her daughter's cries. She missed her father. "It's okay baby," she said in a singsong voice, "I miss him too." Olivia drove aimlessly for six hours before deciding to call it a night and stay and a hotel just outside the city. During her drive, she thought about all of the good times that she and Elliot had shared: going upstate to his lakeside cabin, spending their honeymoon in Bermuda, the long weekends that they would spend lazily in bed. Because of how much she loved Elliot, she could not stand by and watch him kill himself in front of their daughter.

_She kept drivin' along_

_Till the moon and the sun were floating side-by-side_

_He looked in the mirror and his eyes were clear_

_For the first time in a while_

At the end of the day, Elliot was wearing his favorite grey t-shirt and a pair of jeans. The house had been cleaned and so had he. He got a haircut, went to the drycleaners and had all of his clothes cleaned, and he signed up for meetings to go to every week. He looked into the same window he had the night before, but saw a totally different man. Elliot saw the man that Olivia had fallen in love with, and so did she.

"That's the Elliot Stabler I remember." Olivia said as she walked into the kitchen with Caitlyn.

_Hey, yeah,_

_Oh, I don't wanna' spend my life jaded_

_Waiting to wake up one day and find_

_That I've let all these years go by_

_Wasted_

"Olivia, I know that I can't make up for all of the time that I lost with you and Cait, but I want to get better. I signed up for meetings, and I promise, baby, I will talk to you. This can't be the end of us, I just—I can't lose you over this." By the end of his speech, he was on his knees in front of Olivia with tears streaming down his face. Olivia saw the desperation in is eyes, and knew that he was ready to change.

"Babe, I love you more than anything, and I could not stay here and watch you crumble before my eyes. So, if I come back, you are to come home every night and talk to me. I know communication isn't our strongest aspect, but to keep you away form the bottle you have to be able to articulate your feelings. I want you to be here for the rest of Caitlyn's life, so I will not let you waste away. That's a promise." Olivia was now crying too, and for the first time in months, she felt safe in her husbands embrace.

_Oh I don't wanna keep on wishing, missing_

_The still of the morning, the color of the night_

_I ain't spending no more time_

_Wasted_


End file.
